Be strong, you never know who you’re inspiring. -Unknown
Lets talk stigma. The dictionary definition of stigma is; a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. I think that’s pretty good wording for it. When you hear the word mental hospital, whats your first thought? Is it the idea of chaos and insanity? or maybe white rooms and harsh psychiatrists? That’s not the case always (although honestly, there are a lot of white rooms). My stay in an mental health hospital was actually beneficial to me. I think a lot of people fear them, the idea of them is scary. I want people to realize that, there are very important things going on inside them.
I’ll tell my individual story, but that doesn’t mean everyone’s experience was similar or even remotely like mine.
I got to the hospital at 3:00 am. I was super tired, but awake all the same. The anxiety kept my blood flowing and and my mind from shutting off and going to sleep. I signed too much paperwork, more than I could count. My parents brought some clothes, and I went with the nurse to have a physical. Oh how I hate those, like people keep your hands off me. But i was too tired. I was a hospital gown for the next hour. Then a nice lady took me to my room while I just talked and talked, nervousness does that to me. The room was small. It had a bed, a shelf and a window looking out into the woods. You could see stars too, that’s what kept me from having a panic attack that night. They gave me crayons and paper, and i wrote poetry for hours. The next day, I got up and went to ask for a shower. The thing about inpatient is, you HAVE to ask for everything. The doors are all locked, because people are known to run. So I learned to speak up for myself and communicate what i needed pretty well. I met some wonderful people in there. I’ll list them below.
- Sara- She was my med nurse, she gave me a hug on my last day. I always complimented her makeup and enjoyed her uncontrollable curly hair.
- Chey- He was pretty cool. He encouraged me to be strong and most importantly be myself. He had an amazing sense of humor, and he didn’t become annoyed by my randomness.
- Cassie- Oh my dear Cassie. Her love of cats and availability of lending sweaters made me feel less alone in there. She even brought me bagels once, and we still talk. I miss her a lot :(.
- Allison- She was the evening shift counselor. She was funny, and listened to my crazy stories. I liked how she talked about her pets a lot.
- Melanie- If i could say anything about her, i would say she’s a force to be reckoned with. This crazy girl, was my roommate for a week. My sister that i’ll never see again.
- Mal- My second roommate, but just as wonderful. She and I had fun playing James bond for hours when we got in trouble and were told to stay in our rooms. She said I looked like Topanga and I adore her.
I could go on and on about people i met, because truth be told everyone I met in there impacted me somehow. Iv’e let them go, but I don’t stop thinking about them, and at times I find myself seeing things that remind me of all of them. Inpatient helped me to find out a lot about myself, it allowed me peace and time. The schedule helped me stay busy, and free time helped me escape. I’m proud to say that I am better because of it. I still have my ups and downs, but overall i am stable once again. I got letters from a couple friends in there, and they were hung up all over the walls. So thank you. This weeks song is In m blood by Shawn Mendes. Not only am I a huge Shawn fan, I am also A HUGE SHAWN FAN. But, that being said this song is inspiring. It shows vulnerability, but also the strength not to give into that. Have a wonderful week ya’ll, you’re loved 🙂