To be stressed, or not to be stressed?

The way she talked about the things she loved made the whole room turn to see what shone – Atticus

I’ve been busy, okay? School, friends, studying, church, my brain. All of these things have been taking up a lot of time. and you know what they revolve around? The fact that I think everyone is gonna leave me. This has come out of nightmares, and recently I had a friend pretty much ignore me all week. Which feels great you know, I’ve always wanted to be left. That thought is what scares me the most(yes more than spiders, I know pretty freaky right). It takes a lot to be fake, smiling is hard, and laughing is even harder. I don’t want your pity, please don’t give me the sad pathetic stares. I just want you to know that its really hard for me right now, but all my friends and family are the only thing making me happy. I love them so much, and I wouldn’t be even relatively okay without them. People like Owen and Deric, who never get tired of listening to me and encouraging me to keep going, who never fail to make me smile. People like Olivia and Elizabeth for being my little unicorns of sunshine. My parents, for not getting upset or mad, just hugging me and telling me they love me. Let me tell you, this week was awful. Like worse than the fact that the actress that plays Emma Swan is not gonna be on the show anymore(If they kick off Killian too, uh uh, bye bye Once). I had a panic attack at school on Wednesday. They sent three people to come get me off the bathroom floor. So I sat in one of those chairs that spins and drew with some really cool gel pens till mom came to get me. The good part about that day? 1: No math class 2: Mom got me ice cream and apple pie.(that’s right folks, I scored me some food). Basically school stresses me out, and I like Ice cream. When i’m stressed I get mad, and I want to kick or throw something. So as a friend suggested to me, Im gonna try to relax this weekend. Maybe do some painting and reading. Stress does a lot to people, and I mean physically and emotionally. So I shall relax. Which is hard, I don’t like sitting still. Im sorry for never posting, thanks for understanding. This weeks song is cry for you be Lecrae, it talks about negative emotions and feels like no one should go through that and how he understands. Its an amazing song from his new album. I love you all, stay strong.