Of pool parties and vaccines

Well I am sorry, I completely forgot to post last week.  I have to be honest, I have been siting here for 10 minutes not knowing what to write. I feel like just closing the laptop and going up to my room and sleep. But I wont because the guilt will then eat me alive. This week has been surprisingly uneventful so far. On saturday we had a pool party with my youth group. It sounds fun, but believe me when I say for me it wasn’t. For the first two hours there was awful weather, and we got stuck under the pavilion till it stopped thundering. So this resulted in about 25 crazy teenagers yelling and jumping and being weird. I was already nervous, and this only made it worse. I got to the point where I put my headphones in and tried to ignore them. It didn’t really help, and I started to shake and couldn’t really breath. I laid down on the bench trying to focus on the positives of the situation.  Thankfully no one came up to ask if I was okay, it was really weird. Im just glad I didn’t attract too much attention. My friend Olivia didn’t even ask if I was okay, and I honestly don’t know how I feel about that. I was glad not to have to explain, but I also felt that she didn’t care. This is obviously not the case because I know her and she isn’t like that. After that I was really tired because mini panic attacks do that to you. So I  kinda secluded myself which I hope everyone didn’t think was rude. Speaking of youth group, guess what I have to do this Sunday? I get to tell my youth group about my anxiety, yay. How do you stand if front of someone and just say “oh hey guys Im really awkward and am highly nervous”. This is not a normal conversation( at least not for me, if it is I am worried for you). But my good friend Deric is coming to listen to my little speech. I cant wait to see him, its been months since I saw him last. Im really lucky to have Deric, I can have text conversations with him about serious stuff, but at the same time we can talk about stupid stuff like raisin cookies and miraculous ladybug. So thank you Deric, if you ever read this know that you are very much appreciated. I have a dreaded event to got tomorrow, I get the pleasure of going to the doctors for a little checkup. No not just a little check up my friends, oh no, I get to get some kind vaccination. Ah yes my paralyzing fear of needles comes up once again. last time I had to get a vaccine I practically physically assaulted 3 nurses who were sent to hold me down. I’m really hoping this doesn’t happen this time, I feel so bad afterward. I will try not to attack any nurses or puke on my mother( yes this has happened, I got nervous okay?). Wish me luck humans. Thanks for listening to my little rant. This weeks song is Girl by Hollyn. sorry if this felt rushed, its just 10:20 and I’m tired.