* Insert weirdly satisfactory inspirational quote here*
Should I put quotes in? Let me know humans!
well look who’s actually writing. Sorry that its been a total of 10 days since my last post, I haven’t felt very myself lately. Let me start off by saying that my Sunday explanation did not go as planned. So I went into the room, which is a huge accomplishment let me tell you. Its a really small, dark room with no windows (yep its a great place for Sunday school, holy windowless room). I sat down next to Olivia and tried my best not to make eye contact with anyone. I don’t exactly know why I did that, I think I felt ashamed of my anxiety. Deric came, as promised. That was nice, to have a friend there because they wanted to be there and didn’t just go to the church. I felt very cared for, which was very wonderful. So as I was saying I sat down and read my little speech thing to myself a lot(Yes I was very excessive, get over it). We then prayed and then Tammy introduced my little explanation. I freaked, so bad. I didn’t even read from my phone. I just spit it out(at least a really bad version of it). I ran out of the class afterward, I just couldn’t stay there. I ended up in the women’s bathroom on the floor next to the toilet(I know, pleasant right?). I had a panic attack for like 2 different reasons. I am going to make a list of reasons and my thoughts during them below.
1: I left Deric alone in a classroom full of people he doesn’t know. Thoughts: I am such an awful friend. I tell one of my friends to come to my church and I left him. Is he mad at me?(this was stupid for two reasons, first off he rarely gets mad, secondly he a guy, They really don’t care. That was not meant to offend, in fact its one of the reasons why guy friends are so much less drama). So yeah that’s one of the reasons why I had a panic attack.
2: They are all gonna think i’m strange and not want to talk to me. This is pretty self explanatory. Afterward they had they option to ask questions, and there was dead silence. I was expecting at least one. I mean, i’m kind of glad that they didn’t ask questions at that time, but also a little surprised. That meant that it went either really well, or really bad. I hope it went really well.
Although I felt like that was a complete disaster, I did do something this week that I am extremely proud of. You know how I have that extreme fear of needles? So…. I got my ears pierced! It was completely spontaneous, I was shopping with mom and then suddenly I was sitting on a chair next to someone who was asking if I was ready. Um excuse me lady, but who in their right mind is ready for a hole punch to stick something in your ear (this is a joke, it was not a hole punch, thank goodness). I got these maroon colored ones, I love maroon. In fact i’m wearing a maroon shirt right now. I was sure I was gonna back out of it, and run as far and as fast as I can away from these needle obsessed people. I’m not kidding, they had a lot of piercings (Thankfully they didn’t look as freaky as Erik from Divergent, or else I would be out of there faster than you can say dauntless).
I am back to sitting here, twirling my hair worrying about tomorrow. I have done this too many times to count today. School starts tomorrow, oh how its the most wonderful time of the year (Its really not, although my dad always starts singing when we go to school, yes its quite annoying). Im so nervous that I can’t even eat, writing is taking a lot of determination. I have everything packed already, and my outfit is like 98% done. I have my schedule, and I know exactly where to go. Im still nervous though, but oh well, aren’t I always? You guys will do great with school, just know that if I see you I will most likely humiliate you by screaming, good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor. I hope you all have a wonderful week full of wonderful sarcastic comments. The song for this week is Mansion by NF. Warning- If you don’t want to listen to a sad song, do not listen to Mansion, although it does really describe a lot of what i’m going through. Love you all, human and alien alike.