I made it up to the cash register before my mind told me that I couldn’t do this. I was trying to convince myself that I could pay for my own makeup, that I could be confident in myself. I had enough money, it was easy enough but my mind convinced me that this was just like a life or death situation. Which honestly buying makeup is hardly gonna kill me. In the end I had to have my mom do it while I focused on my breathing. So this week my counselor had me do what she called “Anxiety Acts of Rebellion”. To be honest its hard. Here is what I have done so far:
Monday: Overnight I left a towel on the floor. Yes, I know, you are probably saying how is this hard for her to do? So let me explain, this is the OCD part of my brain. For me to be able to actually go to sleep I have to have my whole room clean. Which is annoying, but the rest of my brain is telling me that everything is out of proportion and I have to control something right now. My mom calls them sticky thoughts because they just keep going through your mind and don’t stop until you do something about it. For me, putting an unorganized towel on my floor is an accomplishment.
Thursday: I left my dresser drawers open all day, another OCD thing.
Friday: I had a sleepover with no panic attacks. A welcome change from last time. I even helped at a church event for two hours.
Sunday: I talked to a someone I never met and we bonded over Doctor Who. Although we did disagree on who is the best Doctor, she said Twelve and I have always loved Ten (I mean like its David Tennant people am I right?) Also this is the day I failed to pay for my own makeup.
Monday: I took my medicine without crushing them and putting them in yogurt! This has been something I have been afraid of for so long. Overcoming this was so exciting for me.
I believe I have accomplished a lot this week. This morning I got a text from my friend named Nicole ( Again this is not her real name ), saying that she would always be there for me, anytime, anyplace, and it really encouraged me. So thanks Nicole, I will defiantly be there to help whenever you happen to need me! Should I put a song at the end of each of my posts that I enjoyed each week? Would you guys actually take time to look them up? I might start that. Thank you all!